Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
