WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
