Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
