I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
...so i touched it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
