The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
