just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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