Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
