I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
