he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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