The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
