someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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