it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
