a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
