"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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