you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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