I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize