well you can't waste a boner
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
