K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is Oprah even human
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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