Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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