And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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