I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is wine microwaveable?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
