You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
