on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
