apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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