McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
