Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A bitchslap is in order.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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