Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
