He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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