Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
