making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
