maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
