just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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