I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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