The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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