i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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