I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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