i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
