she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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