I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
