i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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