her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
