Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
