Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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