He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
