ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
