I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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