He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
