I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
