i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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