Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
