I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
