I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize