u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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