Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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