Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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