If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
