Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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