so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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