I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
