I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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