I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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