How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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