I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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