my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
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PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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