We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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