I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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