If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
