i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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