I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
