I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I came so hard my ears popped.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
