happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
